1/12/2025
INTRO
Ok, so yes this is me. A 40 something two job, scratch that, one job (yay!!) working:
-Mom of 4
-Wife
-Chauffer
-Chef
-Mediator
-Referee
-Teacher
-Life coach
-Detective
-Atm
– and HUSTLER!
Just to put it in a nutshell, but what moms aren’t all of those things? I am starting this Blog for me and only me. I haven’t told anyone, not even my husband. *Side note I did tell my sister-whom I tell everything. I am doing it as an outlet for me, I don’t care about punctuation, proper language, or perfection. *Wow that is so odd for me to say, “for me”, but it feels good, and I mean good and different. I hardly do anything for me due to time, family, and money. I mean I shop “for me” because it’s almost always on the computer, but I don’t allow time for something I am passionate about. You see I was working 2 jobs up until 12/31/2024, when circumstances changed, and I had to change something not really by choice. But it is a good change in the end after a couple of days feeling lost, board, disappointed, and a failure. But that’s ok and its good. I just told my oldest you need to fail to success. Those words never meant so much as they do now.
So in this blog I will say things that I probably shouldn’t say out loud and feel ways I probably shouldn’t. But I am allowing myself to for the first time in a long time. Please comment as you will, good and or bad. I am teaching myself to take the criticism and grow from it. I need it and I need and want to be a model for my kids. I may think it is a bit late to start but now is better than never. If anything, my kids will have something in the future to really get to know who mom was or wanted to be. Yes, I will laugh at myself, sometime truly out loud, even knowing I’m not that funny. But you see I haven’t laughed, like belly laughed since, well I don’t know when. I want to and want to enjoy and remember silly stupid moments. I (self diagnosis) suffer from bi-polar. But really who isn’t now of days? We go up and down, emotions change so quickly, and I sometimes don’t know how to deal with it. I am also a crier, ugh and I hate that. I cry over everything! Good, bad, sad, happy, I don’t know why cry, and I mean ugly cry. I hate my cry. But you know what that’s OK!!!! I am working on it.
Ok, so yes, I am a people pleaser and always have been since childhood. (I hate to admit it, because I always put others in front of me.) I have grown to live with it and set boundaries so that I am not stepped on. Those walls don’t always hold up, but they are getting stronger. I don’t want my kids to be like this or to know that I am. I want them to be strong, honest, and most of all INDEPENDENT. I gave a few strong friendships, whom I adore and value very much. Honestly, I couldn’t do what we do without them. I mean friends that would tell me to shape up or ship out and then check on me 5 min later. But they know me and how to deal with, when sometimes I don’t. These people (well family) know who they are, well if they ever find this blog, they will know who they are. So, if they do stumble upon me, well thank you and I love you!!